Let me state it plain: sometimes I screw up, have a bad day, and fail miserably despite my best intentions. The most common nexus for my feelings (and sometime reality) of falling short in my ministerial efforts is with the communication of the weekly message – aka “the sermon;” also known to those closest to me as “the bane of her existence” as a minister. Most of us have an Achilles’ heel in our professional life, save for those annoying error-free sorts we’d rather not associate with…but unfortunately mine is considered a centerpiece requirement or focal point of ministry…and a most public one. And while my track record is improving with growth and practice, this past Sunday’s effort was sub-par and lacked the coherence I intended (I will spare you my internal dialogue at the time). I want you to know that the suffering and self-flagellation that I usually inflict on myself following each less-than-optimal effort gets shorter each time – I am becoming much more forgiving of myself and I learn much from each attempt.
I share this with you now because I wish I’d had the presence of mind and courage of heart to have shared it with you in real time on Sunday…to stop for a moment, take a breath and acknowledge the very human struggle I was experiencing; to be fully present in my vulnerability. I believe I owe you not only my leadership and skills, but also my authenticity. I missed an opportunity for real connection – and that is what I regret the most. I intend to do better.
And as my intended message on Sunday was a bit muddled – please do take a moment out of the busyness of this season and read this brief essay by Karen Hering titled “Waiting.”
With love, Dawn